She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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