You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
