Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
