My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
