I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
