Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
