I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
