I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
