I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
