I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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