why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
