I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
