so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
