the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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