I smell stomach acid.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
