My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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