dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
