i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
