Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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