Having a random hookup so left but love u
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
