i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
