it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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