My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were trust falling into bushes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
