i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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