I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
