I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
