my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Text me some of your sweat
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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