she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
