I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
