I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
