I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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