i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize