you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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