I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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