SEEEEXXX PLEASE
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
