i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
