Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wat bout pragnant strippers??
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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