puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
