The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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