please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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