i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
