did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
