i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
