He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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