if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
