I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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