did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
