I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
