i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
