Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
