So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
