I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
