Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
