how do flat chested girls get laid?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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