just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
