either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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