I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
