I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
