EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
