I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
