So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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