How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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