oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
