I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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