Don't make out with my wife yet
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
