why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
