Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
