I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
