Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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