Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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