I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
