woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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