i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
