I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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