Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize