I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Holy sore nipples Batman
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
