I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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