We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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