Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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