im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
