Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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