But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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